Here Is How Timing Will Make or Break Your Relationship

Finding the One
Being in love is awesome. It really is. All the excitement and good vibes take over, and you find yourself walking around smiling all day for no reason. It’s one of the best experiences of life really.

I am super excited to be engaged to my tall, dark and handsome man. But what most of you don’t know, is that this is not my first relationship with DJ. Far from it in fact. The thoughtful, caring, hard-working man I’m going to marry later this year, once dumped my sorry behind and left me devastated. And then several years later, I dumped his.

At this point, I know without a doubt, that timing will make or break your relationship. And boy, did we get the timing wrong the first few times.

Picture it, Michigan, 1998.
Yes, I am definitely channeling my inner Sophia from Golden Girls to share this story. Seriously, it’s like one of my favorite old shows. Is it on any of the streaming services? I sure hope so.

Anyways, picture it, Michigan, 1998.

I was seventeen and just started working at a chain restaurant as a server. I quickly made friends with a guy named Sean. Within days, he informed me that his very fun, very single friend named DJ was also starting to work there soon, and that we would look good together.

It’s been twenty-two long years, and I still remember seeing DJ walk in the door for his first shift. He was looking so good in his black pants, white collared shirt, and red bow tie. We were rocking our Steak N Shake uniforms let me tell you. But it didn’t matter to me. He took my breath away.

We ended up clicking right away, and within a shift or two of working together, we had our first date set up. It was so much fun, we set up another, and another, and very quickly declared ourselves a legit couple. We did all of the things broke teenagers typically do. We hung out with friends, went to the movies, and snuck off to parties. Our relationship was a blast and there were no downsides.

And then later that year, I started my college search and got an acceptance letter in the mail. Remember, we are old. They used to come in the mail. When you got a thick packet, you knew you were golden. But DJ saw that packet differently and blindsided me with a breakup.

You see, I was a high school senior, trying to decide my entire future, but he was only a junior. He recognized that my life was going to change drastically, and he would be left behind. I did everything I could to get him to reconsider, but he wasn’t hearing it. I cried, I begged, I pleaded. But eventually we just stopped talking altogether, and we both had to move on.

Picture it, Michigan, 2001.
A girlfriend and I were out driving around on a hot summer day, and I mentioned that DJ’s parents owned an ice cream shop nearby. She suggested that we should stop by and maybe we would get lucky and get free ice cream. I remember feeling really nervous about possibly running into him, but my girlfriend talked me into it. We ended up being waited on by DJ’s mom, who charged us, but she gave me something far better instead.

She told me that she had just talked to DJ, and that he was just sitting around at home, so we should swing over there and say hi. If we would have gotten called to the other window and had one of their employees help us, that would never had happened.

Timing will make or break your relationship.

So we drove to his parent’s house a few blocks away, and we saw his dad out by the mailbox. He told us that DJ actually didn’t live there anymore, but that he had rented an apartment down the road with some friends of his, including Sean. If his dad had not been home, we would have rang the door bell, never gotten an answer, and went home.

Timing will make or break your relationship.

Thinking we would get to go hang out with some cute boys, we decided to just show up at his apartment. We ended up staying for hours hanging out and flirting with the cute boys. It was like nothing had changed between us at all. DJ was happy to find out that I had ended up enrolling in college nearby, just like he had, and that I was still living at home with my dad.

It was like a hot second before we were a legit couple again. And the next two years just flew by. We were happy in love, and we did all the things broke twenty-something year old adults do. We hung out with friends, went to the movies, and walked straight into bars to drink because we could.

But then some of our friends started getting engaged and some started having families. I was getting closer to leaving college and trying to decide my entire future. I wanted marriage and kids eventually, but he told me without hesitation that he did not.

It wasn’t me, it was him. Ever heard that one before?

I sullenly waited around for a few months, but it was obvious that we did not want the same future, so I dumped his sorry behind. I cried a lot, I moped around, and I felt sorry for myself. I’m sure he did too, but he’ll never admit it.

Eventually we just stopped talking altogether, and we both had to move on. He started dating other people, and I ended up meeting my future husband and the father of my children.

In 2004, DJ reached out and told me that he had changed his mind and was ready to settle down with me. He asked me to give him another chance. But I was happy in love with someone else, and it was me not hearing it this time.

Timing will make or break your relationship.

Picture it, Michigan, 2014.
I was married, had moved out of state for several years and then back, and I had two children. We were at a family dinner and my brother in law at the time, was complaining about his new boss. I was shocked to hear him say DJ’s name.

I did what most people did by 2014, I stalked him on the internet to see how he had turned out. It was a crazy experience because we did not have social media during any of our previous relationships. I know that makes us sound super old. We are.

I was happy to see smiling pictures of him, his girlfriend, and their two dogs. His life looked so complete, so I sent him a private message saying that I had heard his name in passing and that I was so glad his life had turned out so well. But he never saw the message.

Timing will make or break your relationship.

Picture it, Michigan, 2016.
DJ scrolled around on social media and noticed a missed message in his other folder. He recognized me from my photo, took a deep breath, and thought what the heck. He messaged me back finally. I responded in my usual sarcastic fashion asking why it took him so long to figure out social media since by then he was an engineer. He thought it was funny and we spent hours messaging back and forth.

Is Timing Important in Relationships?
Is timing important in relationships? You betcha.

We quickly discovered that his response time could not have been any better. He had been single for more than six months, and I had been divorced for about a year.

If he would have seen my message a year and a half earlier when I sent it, he would have still been in his long-term relationship, and I would have still been married. Being the very loyal people that we are, we would have had a quick, polite exchange and moved on.

But finally our timing was right.

We spoke for months before finally meeting up and, even then, I squeezed him in between my other plans. But all those feelings came flooding back anyways. He admitted that he had been feeling like he was missing something by never having had a family.

So we took things slowly, and he practically had to force me to introduce my kids to him after more than six months of dating. I had nothing to worry about though, because the three of them hit it off immediately.

And this summer when we get married, it will mark four years of us being back together again.

Key to Healthy Relationships
Life works out the way it is supposed to. Sometimes relationships fail, for one reason or another, but people can change if they put in the effort to do so.

We never disrespected each other, abused each other, or were unfaithful to each other in any way. Our timing was just off.

Timing will make or break your relationship.

Your relationship will not work out, if you are desperate to find just anyone. Your relationship will not work out, if you are not whole and happy on your own. Your relationship will not work out, if you are carrying around resentment and anger from past relationships. And your relationship will not work out, if you cannot trust others.

And sometimes you get lucky and realize that you met the right person a long time ago, but the timing was just off.

Choose happiness. Let go of hurt. Then, wait patiently until the right person and the right timing match up.

Timing is everything.

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